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[22 Oct 2009|03:32pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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Chase Long Beach - We've Got Pockets Like Nobody's Business |
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Here's a quick update that I'm sure most of you already know about anyways. I'm single. I had a great summer. I'm having an ok autumn, although Elementary Number Theory class is kicking my butt. I'm becoming better at wrestling that I was before. I've been meeting a lot of cool people.
I miss Livejournal. :-)
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| Flash Fiction? |
[22 Oct 2009|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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Goldfinger - Happy |
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He calls her as he exits the train, stands around in the pouring rain. Will things ever be the same? Baby steps, baby steps. Don't give in. Don't give up. Don't blow up.
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[20 Jul 2009|05:28pm] |
The thing I miss the most is being able to cry on someone's shoulder and tell them how much I hate everything and everyone and have no faith in anything and want to die and, in return, hear them say, "I love you. You can have faith in us."
No treating me like I'm a mental patient, no telling me I need to see my school psychologist, no telling me they told me so, no telling me that I'm a good guy and everything will work out for me eventually.
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[26 Dec 2008|08:35am] |
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And I'm not going to argue about anything I just wrote. You either understand me or you don't.
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| Also |
[26 Dec 2008|08:13am] |
I wrote this after the stuff about the argument at the party but excised it to keep the mood of my last entry a positive one. After all, I did have fun at that party. This is just some stuff about how I've been feeling lately.
Hanging out with my friends just isn't nearly as fun anymore because we can't get through one day without someone being a douche. It seems like not everyone likes me anymore. In fact, some people seem to actively dislike me. Conversations are really awkward lately, with other people belittling me personally for no reason, cussing out my girlfriend with no provocation, and cutting me out of conversations by repeating the same joke 400 times in one night whenever I open my mouth to speak a sentence. I know I'm no angel and I do my fair share of teasing, but that's to be expected. Everyone teases a little. At least I listen to what people have to say, back down when people get their feelings hurt, and take care not to actually put anyone down (you ever notice how 100% of my jokes and insults are just nonsense, not attacks on anyone's character?). More than a few people have told me that I put down everyone else's opinion and am really negative about other people's interests.
I said it the first time I heard it and I'll say it again here. That's bullshit. Just because I say, "[The band you just mentioned] sucks. [The band I like] is awesome, " doesn't mean I'm putting myself above anyone else. I clearly have a lighthearted tone about everything I say. Nearly all of the thoughts in my head when I hang out with my friends are centered around me thinking of the right things to say without stepping on anyone's toes. I care about my friends. I unfortunately don't have a lot in common with them anymore. In the interest of conversation, I try to talk about music or movies or whatever. You don't have to disagree with me. But that doesn't mean that I hate you or anything. And that doesn't mean that I don't respect your opinions. And that certainly doesn't give anyone license to try and be a dick to me.
I feel like for the past 4 or 5 months or so, I've been personally ATTACKED by a few people. It pisses me off. I'm not taking any shit anymore. I'm going to stand up for myself. If someone wants to treat me subhuman and try to pass themselves off as my friend, well fuck off. I'll tell you that to your face. And the next person I hear call my girlfriend a filthy name for no reason again, I'll give them one fucking warning. If it keeps up, I'm going to snap. I don't care if you're drunk or sober. I don't care if you beat the shit out of me. I'll fucking fight. That shit is just downright infuriating.
Like I said, I still care about my friends. But it has simply reached a point where I'm not giving any more chances. If you want to be my friend, you can treat me like one. If you want to continue treating me like a dick, I won't consider you a friend anymore.
And anyone who knows me knows that I wouldn't judge anyone just because they drink or whatever. I've had plenty of friends who have been drinkers or even alcoholics at one point or another. But none of them treated me like dirt. Alcohol has severely worsened my relationship with my friends. If you can't handle your liquor, don't drink it. Drinking isn't an excuse to be a dick! The attacks I've been receiving are only exacerbated by liquor. Starting fights with friends ISN'T COOL! NO MATTER HOW MUCH ALCOHOL YOU'VE HAD! I forgive being a dick due to alcohol a few times, but come on! When I only see my friends on the weekends due to school, and those weekends tend to be party-like situations where people get drunk . . . well . . that means I only tend to see you be drunk which means I only tend to see you being a dick. And that's the truth.
Also, I figure it would be wise to address some lame criticisms addressed towards me. I don't call often, true. I only hang out once a week on average. But I do call someone, usually one person who I then meet up with an hang out. Sometimes we forget to call other people or sometimes we just have plans to do things that aren't group oriented. But do I really need to remind anyone that I call just as much as everyone else calls me. I've actually heard a couple of people say this about me who haven't called me (other than when asked by someone else in our group of friends) in over a year! And when I get calls from other people to just talk about stuff, I make an active effort to actually reciprocate the calls. I'm not much of a phone guy, but when someone wants to use the phone as a ways of keeping our friendship, I recognize that and return the effort. If you don't call me, chances are I won't call you (except hanging out on the weekends). Another thing of note is the time when I called all my friends to invite them to my wrestling show. One time (other than maybe a call to I think it was Justin the day of my first show)! One fucking time, because I know some of them wanted to see me wrestle and missed it and I actually knew I was being booked ahead of time! That fact alone totally discredits the argument I've heard--"You only call to invite me to wrestling shows". It was once. And fucking excuse me if I've had the busiest three months of my life and I haven't hung out much and that I coincidentally invited you to be a part of something--a life goal--I accomplished after three years of dreaming on front porches with you guys. Not to mention that I really try to attend everyone else's shows myself. I only voluntarily chose not to go to one Quiz show because I was in a bad mood. Other than that I tried. Whether anyone actually comes to my shows or not doesn't really bother me, but it's really shitty to get all righteous about me inviting them. Ridiculous.
I can't believe it's really gotten so bad to the point where I feel it necessary to write this kind of thing out. Usually if I have a problem with someone, I just let it blow over. And it usually blows over. I don't know if this is some kind of agreed upon conspiracy to make me a target or what, but hanging out with friends has become miserable.
Don't like me if you don't want to. I'm putting my foot down. If I'm your friend, I'm your friend. Nothing less. If you don't want that, then fine. And the girl I love may have made mistakes in the past, but she's not a piece of trash. I'm going to go cool down because just writing this has made me angry.
See you guys later.
[And note that this is not directed just at one person, but at a bunch of people who I feel have definitely wronged me and who may or may not even have a Livejournal themselves.]
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[26 Dec 2008|07:31am] |
Belated Merry Christmas, Livejournal. It's 7:32 in the morning and I'm still awake thanks to that good ole' Christmas euphoria (and the effects of a couple of naps for good measure). This Christmas was definitely one of the best I've had in a while, despite my mom forbidding me from putting up our tree. Something about this year's holiday made me really anticipating it in a way I haven't in years. The wishlist I constructed was very fulfilling. For the past few years, I simply constructed a quick list of stuff I had some interest in owning over the years. It wasn't very satisfying. In all honesty, I did the same thing this year, but it all came together anyway. [I have no qualms in admitting that Christmas is all about gifts to me. It may be a commercial holiday, but it's great nevertheless.]
The first celebration of the year was at my friends' Secret Santa gift exchange. This event was hosted at Anna's house. I drew Dave's name, while Sean drew mine. I bought Dave a book called Mastering Judo. Sean got me my very own Fortune Cat, like the kind Jeff has.
"FORTUNE
CAT BRINGS VERY BEST WISHES MAY HAPPITY AND HAPPY HOCKS BE WITH YOU"
The party was pretty fun (much more enjoyable than I had anticipated). The only foolishness was Andrew being a jerk while we were playing Scattergories. The funny thing is that he had a valid point in our argument (not that I necessarily agree), but he had been really antagonistic towards me for the previous 15 minutes and I was not taking it. The argument about TV stars was the straw that broke the camel's back. But at the end of the night, we still hugged. Overall, the party was pretty fun.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been telling Melissa I was going to only give her $10 (seeing as she wanted money to contribute to her buying a new camera) that would be split into three cards to make it seem like a better gift. I actually did those but with $50 instead of $10. I know that's not a lot, but I'm jobless and poor. My parents gave her $40. We both pitched in to buy my mom Tetris DS so she can play it while she waits at WSU to pick me up.
As for what I got:
-Nintendo DS (From parents, bought from Justin)
-Pokemon Pearl (Parents, bought from Justin)
-Feel The Magic (Parents, bought from Justin)
-Final Fantasy IV DS (Parents)
-Final Fantasy Tactics A2 (Parents)
-Rayman for the Playstation (Parents)
-The Forest on VHS (Parents)
-Journey to the West (Parents)
-Wii Points to buy Wario's Woods (Parents)
-A sweater (Dad)
-Civilization 2 Gold for Mac (Melissa)
-Forrest Gump the novel (Melissa)
-Gump and Co. the novel (Melissa)
-Pokemon Blissey Control Championship Card Deck (Melissa)
-$25 Borders Gift Card (Benji and Rebecca)
Thanks to everyone who made this Christmas great. Sadly I couldn't make it to the Nichols' party because we went to Melissa's family's shindig after dinner. I love that family just the same, though.
I still need to update about the past year. I tend to put that kind of stuff off until I'm in a writing mood. Oh well. Take care everyone!
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[23 Dec 2008|12:36pm] |
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Counter-Strike, EWR (I had to install Windows 98 to pull that one off!), Master of Orion 2, Warcraft 2, Monkey Island 1 and 2, Day of the Tentacle, Sam and Max HIt the Road, and, in a couple of days, Civilization 2 all ready to go on my MacBook. It's not a strong machine for games, but it can handle all these just fine. Good stuff!
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| Life and Stuff |
[30 Nov 2008|11:48am] |
I just finished Final Fantasy V (finally) and have nothing to do. Seeing a couple of very honest entries from a few of my friends lately, I have decided I have some catching up to do. A lot of stuff has happened since the last time I made an update. Actually, going even farther back than my last update, which wasn't so much of an update about what's been going on in my life, a ton has happened. I'm not going to write about it all in one sitting I'm sure, so let me go over some of the stuff that happened prior to the summer.
My last true update was from October of last year and dealt with the concerns I had about becoming disconnected with my friends in face of the pressures of college and a serious relationship with my girlfriend. All that's resolved now. I've reconnected with the people I thought I was losing, or at the very least, even if we're not as close as we once were, we have an understanding. I try to see everyone on the weekend, although this has been super hard given that I'm going through my busiest semester yet with student teaching and math classes at WSU and wrestling on some evenings and the weekends.
Last Christmas was a good one. I got most of the stuff I wanted. I received the Jim Corbett manhunter bookset, a couple of Jean Shepherd books, some other stuff. Melissa gave me a cool pair of jeans. I quickly outgrew them as I started to finally regain weight that I lost after I was sick for a week in November 2006. I made a vow this summer that I would be able to fit in them again, and I made that happen. She and I went in together to buy my parents some appliances that we thought they needed. My dad didn't like the coffee maker and it turns out the can opener didn't work too well. Haha.
That spring was a fun one. I had a class with Josh Zombies. It was a class about basic Einstein and quantum physics, but it was also somehow the hardest, most stressful class ever. Professor Saperstein is the most ridiculous man alive. He was the most confusing lector and had really inconsistent, arbitrary grading methods. I wrote down and memorized my notes from class word for word and still managed to get points marked off on the tests. Luckily the class was graded on the curve and I had the most points in the class, so I managed to get an A. Josh unfortunately received an A-, his only grade in his college career thus far below an A. I would have been livid that my GPA was messed up, but he took it in stride. That class was fun, though, for sure. We made fun of Saperstein everyday in front of his face and everything. He inspired the most epic second half of our Xenophobe radio play saga (that we still need to record!) and kept us laughing for months. That guy is even a legend to the rest of our friends thanks to our constant berating. That spring Josh and Dave were hanging out with us a lot.
The Quiz finally started to hit full swing that spring too. In only a couple of months, they'd begin playing a buncha shows.
With our income tax returns, my parents bought me a MacBook. It took a while to get used to, but I use it a lot now. The thing's not the most durable, however, and it's got a couple of bad scratches and a crack in it. I plan to fix this using Bondo.
Spring was a pretty cool time.
I'm writing this in my bathroom on my laptop, though, and my feet are falling asleep, so I'm going to get going for now. Take it easy, everyone.
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[11 Jun 2008|03:35pm] |
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I hurt so bad. I don't look forward to tomorrow. I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up, so that way all this pain would stop. I'm sure there would be something better waiting for me.
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[24 May 2008|12:46am] |
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mood |
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mixed feelings (heartbroken, courageous) |
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I am strong.
I am smart.
I have love in my heart.
Life sucks, but I'm stronger than life.
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[02 Apr 2008|08:27pm] |
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Dood, Big Daddy V action figure for preorder to be released in July! AHHHHH!!!
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| One of them complaining entries |
[28 Oct 2007|03:26am] |
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mood |
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down |
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music |
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Boys Night Out - The Subtleties That Make Mass Murderers Out Of Otherwise Decent Human Beings |
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Meh, life's been a big poopy for the last month or two. School has caused me to fall out of the loop, seriously. I get Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays off. My schedule requires me to leave home by 12:45 and stay at WSU until 6:20. I don't get home until 6:50. For the next hour or so, I eat a cold dinner and settle down from the stress imposed on me from nonstop history note taking and Calculus 2 story problems. The rest of these nights are spent sleeping so I can wake up and do homework in the morning. Fridays and Saturdays are my only free days. Sundays are reserved for studying and doing homework.
My relationships are really not the best right now. Melissa has been getting depressed thanks in part to conflicts in our schedules. She wakes up when I go to school, sits around miserably at home until I get home or goes to work until later in the night. Our window of time spent together is very small. I usually wind up falling alseep much earlier than she does. She stays up late, waking me up, and I get angry at her. We really don't get nearly as much time with each other as we used to. I typically spend my Fridays alone with her and my Saturdays with her and other friends.
She takes it really hard, harder than me it seems. Lately she's been saying that I'm more like a brother to her than a boyfriend in that all I do is sit around doing my own thing. I'm not all over her all the time, and that's something she's not used to. She complains about this a lot. There are times when she'll pull herself away from me to do things online or with her friends or whatever, but she still complains that I don't want to spend more intimate time with her. It's really hypocritical of her to do this.
That's not to say that I'm pushing all the blame on school or her. I am at fault. I've been really stressed out lately (even if it doesn't always show) and really need alone time sometimes to keep myself from going crazy. We've discussed all this with each other, and hopefully we can work out a balance that leaves both of us happier.
On the other hand, unfortunately, the divide between myself and my other friends is much worse. During the summer, I hung out with some one every day. I saw some more than others, admittedly, and there wasn't a whole lot of big group hangouts, but I did actually spend time with someone every single day. Now, I'm relegated with one to two days of free time. I really try to hang out at least once a week, I do. Sometimes there's just so much other stuff going on on that Friday or Saturday that I just can't.
To make matters worse, my phone situation is not the best. Melissa no longer has a phone, but she still has a lot of people/places to keep in contact with on a regular basis. I use the phone much less than she does. We try to share the phone fairly (based on who needs it) when we aren't together. Sometimes when someone calls for me, she's at work. Sometimes when people call for her, I'm at school. I am sorry if my friends tried to call and they only reached her. Sometimes I have the opportunity to use my mom's phone as a substitute, but it's really inconvient for everyone (my mom, myself, and the person calling).
To make matters worse, my phone has been malfunctioning horribly lately. During one of the TYSTCOABTH shows we put on over the summer, I left my phone in my pocket. I jumped up and cracked it in half. It wasn't that bad at first. However, over time, the condition of the phone deteriorated to the point where the battery started popping out all the time. Recently, it got so bad that the phone was turned off all the time unless I was actually making a phone call. A week or so ago I finally had a stroke of creative mechanical genius and fixed the battery problem by using toothpicks and duct tape to splint the frame. Now my phone is fixed.
Why am I going into so much boring detail? Well, all of these factors have made it hard to contact me. If you could get a hold of me, chances were that I'd be busy. A month or two ago everyone wanted to wrestle with me. I got a phone call everyday for three days asking me if I could wrestle, each of these calls reaching me while I was in class. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it. I never really got another call asking me to hang out since. All of the sudden, all my friends were upset with me. I didn't understand it at first. Apparently, people had been calling me but going straight to voicemail. This really pissed everyone off to the point where no one wanted to bother calling me again. I maybe received two or three voicemails altogether, so I had no idea people were calling me. I then announced that unless you leave a voicemail or some type of online message, I have no idea you're trying to reach me. By now my phone is fixed, so that message is rendered moot.
I try to call someone every weekend if I have the time to hangout. I am not trying to avoid anyone. I'm not purposely skipping out on my friends to go "read books by myself." I read books because it's too late to go out and I need something to relax me before bed.
I really do want to go out! I want people to call me if they want to make plans. I can try and fit special plans in. My schedule's not the best, but it's not totally inflexible if you give me prior notice. On a related note, I want to know whenever band practices are going on, too! Again, I probably won't be able to make it on weekdays. That doesn't mean I'm not interested! Who knows, I might be able to make it.
If there's anything I want you to take from this journal entry, it's this:
I'm not some antisocial jerk. I get lonely when I don't hang out with my friends. It hurts me that I can't be with everyone all the time. I wish I didn't have to go to school so that I could. As everyone knows, life isn't fair, and I have to go to school and take 17 credit hours. Don't get pissed off at me! Please! I'm really the same William I've always been. My life has changed a lot lately, so circumstances aren't the same as they used to be, BUT I haven't gone through any major changes in who I am. Don't resent me because I can't spend every day with you anymore. Don't resent me because I don't stay logged onto AIM 24/7 anymore. Don't resent me because I'm not as hyper or wild as I used to be. Don't resent me because I've not been of the same disposition as in the past. I've gone through a lot in the past year. There comes a point in everyone's life where all the baggage starts to weigh you down.
Things aren't the same as they were three years ago, or two, or even one. With time comes change. As I said earlier, I haven't changed who I am at heart, but a lot of other things have changed. In every single one of my friends over the past year I've noticed something different. Everyone has changed. Justin's changed. Jon's changed. Jeff's changed. Lee's changed. Sean's changed. BUT they're all the same person I grew to love. I still love all of them. They're my brothers for life.
Please don't resent me. I'm still going to try and find a way to hang out with you when I can. I'll still be here if you ever feel shitty and need someone to talk to. Call me if you ever need to talk. You can call me at 3:00 in the morning if you'd like. I've always opened my arms to my friends whenever they've needed me. Nothing is different about that.
I've had two and a half hours of sleep in the past 2 and a half days, so I think I'm done ranting for now. Call me or something.
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[20 Oct 2007|08:56am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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Less Than Jake - Portrait Of A Cigarette Smoker At 19 |
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Cedar Point today! Whooo!
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| Some generalized thoughts, if you think something doesn't apply to you, then it probably doesn't. |
[26 May 2007|04:57am] |
I hate feeling I have to choose between my friends and my girlfriend. I'm not supposed to be put in those situations. No one is. Anyone who reads this will probably be thinking, What? You always choose your friends over girls. That's a no brainer. Well no. It's not. I love her. I love my friends. I shouldn't have to choose either. Just get along, Christ. Pretend you get along. I'm tired of getting a guilt trip from everyone because I'm always forced to choose between hanging out with one or the other. I live with my girlfriend now, and we spend all our time together. She's going to go with me everywhere I go. If she doesn't want to go, that's fine. But I shouldn't have to feel like shit because of it.
I know not everyone's going to get along. I know not everyone handles themselves the way they should. But seriously, at least try. I always envisioned my significant other, ya know, getting along with my friends. It's not hard. Everyone's adults here, so why can't we act like adults.
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[17 May 2007|08:10am] |
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mood |
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good |
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music |
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The Weakerthans - The Reasons |
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I was listening to music at 7:55 in the morning when "The Reasons" by The Weakerthans came on. It made me want to update my Livejournal. Right now, my Melissa is playing with Kasey Kisses, and Tapioca, our hampster, is playing in his new extra-sized tank. It's not your classic Cleaver family, but I'm proud nonetheless.
Lately my life has been a bit of a roller coaster of emotions. I've had some rough moments, but in the same token, my relationship with Melissa has given my life the magic of love. I love her so much! I spend every waking moment with her. I love it. It grates our nerves sometimes, true, yet we can never stay seperated long.
As for everything else . . . well . . . it's summer vacations, so I'm sleeping long 14 hour sleeps and waking up at 6:00 in the afternoon. I wish Meijer would hire me back, but I guess they're not going to. Soon I may have to get a job somewhere else. I really wanted to go to wrestling school this summer. I'm going to go.
Negative Approach is playing on the 26th. It's going to be gnarly. Tickets this weekend, anyone wanna go?
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[20 Feb 2007|06:59am] |
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mood |
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loved |
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music |
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Sugarland - Want To |
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*Sigh*
"I packed a cooler and a change of clothes
Let's jump and see how far it goes
You got my heart and your daddy's boat
We got all night to make it float
We could sit on the shore
We could just be friends
Or we could jump in...
Whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop it's spinning
We could think it through
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came
With nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
I got your ring around my neck
And a couple of nights I don't regret
You got a dream of a degree
And a shirt that smells like me
Yeah, we both got dreams
We could chase alone
Or we could make our own
Whole world could change in a minute
Just one kiss could stop it's spinning
We could think it through
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came
With nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
Never waste another day
Wondering what you threw away
Holding me, holding you
I don't want to, if you don't want to
We could keep things just the same
Leave here the way we came
With nothing to lose
But I don't want to, if you don't want to
Lord, I want to
I want you" |
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[20 Feb 2007|06:50am] |
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My knee is still scabbed from falling off of that car. Haha.
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[13 Feb 2007|02:10pm] |
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music |
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The Get Up Kids - Fall Semester |
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Agh, I'm such a screw up.
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[08 Feb 2007|12:47am] |
What a lame day! Everyone seemed so disappointed in me. I really don't feel good right now.
Sometime soon, remind me to give you guys an update on how my Christmas went, 1000 Gallons of Gasoline live, the show with ZEB, and girl stuff.
(I have a date for Valentine's Day! Hopefully all goes well, since we really dig each other. Maybe the start of a full relationship?)
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nerdxcrewwill's journal